she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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