Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
