Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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