I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
