I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
