Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
