I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
