It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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