The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
