WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
