Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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