so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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