Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
