Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
