when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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