That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Im part way to drunk.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
