I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize