He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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