you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
