problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
