I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dear god my vagina.
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