we have pet lesbian snakes
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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