cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
