you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
