I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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