His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
