I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
