I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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