Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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