Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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