I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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