ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Sponge bath it is.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
