Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I have feelings that need drinking.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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