If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize