Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize