You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
