i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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