...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
