Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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