she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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