ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
