thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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