My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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