You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
