You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
