You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
