She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
