Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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