twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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