you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
