I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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