Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
