end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
