I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
