**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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