definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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