We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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