Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
