We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Can't talk, ducks in the car
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
