i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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