the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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