I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
