i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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