and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
