Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
