Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
