this boner is exhausting
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
