just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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