What a fucking waste of an outfit
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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