i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
