I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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