come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
