True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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