I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
