I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
